The reason I smile

Burning Passion

When you have dreams , goals , and ambitions you will never be truely happy until its all accomplished. I stroll down FB , IG, and only see potenial clients. If i riding  , i'm looking at property on what could be a great business venture for me. I have all this knowledge clogged up inside waiting to burst out. I have a mind of knowledge , but its getting me no where if i cant use it. I recently had a lot of major things happend to me. Like on the inside im torn all up because i want things and i'm  willing to work for them , but it  seems that all the things coming my way are very difficult to deal with. Its stressful. It's so hard for me right now. I wish  I was born wealthy , but i wasn't. I was born in a working family. We have to work for what we want period. I look at the world so different. I look at people who make excuses different. If  i  had the  time , the money , people around me I would make  my dream happen. My time is so consumed , even with that I'm still willing to  make  effort day by day , but I lack resources. I'm sitting here writing my heart out as much as possible.  Thats why people who have every weak excuse in the world of why they can't and the avenue is clear for take off make my stomach turn.If your able to do it for people like me  who have to  take a seat back and wait patiently for there time to come.  I feel so lost, I feel lonely , I know god is real but i still wonder where  he's at and whats his plan for me . I dont have my  dreams no more , if i do it shows me  being under attack by  demons. Its just not my season  , but oh' how I wish it was. I wish I could shine as  bright as the stars and moon at night. I wish I could glide through this world like the birds in the sky , or flow with the wind like the trees. I wish I could move like the waves in the ocean with a constant flow. I want to  grow like  the flowers in spring time. The things I want in my life are a burning passion inside of me. I feel my skin melting and head spinning from the burning passion inside. I want  to tell the world Help ME !! , I WANT TO WIN. I'm a child of God. He said we will have our hearts desires , if we belive , have faith , and keep  moving in the  right direction.Im waiting on It. This is  the  testimony of my life. all of me is being tested. even my faith. I will continue to walk by faith , regaudless

The Trouble with seeing and not having Faith

Today is a New Year ,  I have been speaking things into my life. Regaudless, I will win. See, my problem is  I'm looking at what everyone else has and I'm comparing. I have been very uncomfortable at my current job , I have been searching for a job on and off for the last  year. Do you know how hard it is  to maintain something you dont want  , but yet you are grateful for it ?,  Well I'll tell you its one of the  hardest things I've  faced in my life yet so far. To see others moving on , and you feel  stuck.

This morning I said to myself "everyone is moving past me", and a voice said clear as day , "no there not ",.  I sat and though to myself and then it hit me. God is telling me your sucess is not going to come from a job calling saying "your hired " (which i really dont want ), its going to come from all the knowledge that you have instilled into yourself , you will be your own sucess, all the small things that you have been working on will piece together. I get very discouraged , looking at things from the naked eye. I see things and began to freak out, think negative, even wonder is god listening. Then I have a moment with the  Holy Spirit it wakes up in me and  begans to  tell me you are more then what you see. You think just because people are moving to jobs thier moving past you. No, open your mind ,look at the big picture, When you move, you will be your  own Boss , I will bless you more then you ever can think. Your cup shall over flow with my blessings.

As I write , I tear up, I know this is the year of completion for me. I can say this has been a lot of endurance , a lot of losing so called friends , a lot of self doubt , but  guess what ?  in the mist of it all I still moved, I still moved !! I'm willing to do my part. I'm willing to suffer  a little , if it means I will win in the end , then everything I have been doing is worth my time.

So dear friends , if your feeling down because you see things and they look ugly from your naked eye. Then keep pushing until god feeds your spirit with what he see's for you. A vision will keep you going , a vision will inspire you to keep moving , a vision will keep trouble with seeing and not having Faith out your way.Keep pressing , even if your the turtle in the  race , once your done your done.